Stacey and I had an opportunity to attend the wedding of a beautiful couple last weekend. During the wedding ceremony, the minister began to talk about the covenant between a man and woman. Somewhere in his speech he mentioned the exchange of weapons. No, not the exchange of a .380 for a 9mm handgun, but the weapons that we can use to hurt one another, the ones that may have been used in our singleness for protection. Although he did not go into great detail, it struck a chord with me. We all have weapons at our disposal, things that we can say or do, or ways that we can act to hurt someone, even the one we love. The tricky thing about this was, as I continued to process the statement that he made, I also realized that just as there are weapons of destruction at my disposal, there are some weapons of construction that I also have. I began to think about the weapons that I wanted Stacey to have. I never want to pull them out on her because I feel that she has committed a wrong, at the same token there are some weapons I decided to keep SO THAT I can use them when needed. First, let’s look at my weapons of choice that I have decided to release to my beautiful bride:
The missile of misunderstandings: I will take a moment to hear her out and get the full story or her input on something before I respond or make a quick judgment about something she’s said or her actions.
The ice pick of inconsideration: Before I start defending myself by saying that my action was a reaction to what she said or did, I will take a moment to consider how or what I’m about to say or do will make her feel.
The atomic bomb of isolation: Instead of trying to punish her with my silence or distance, I will let her know that I’m processing something and that I just need some time to think it over before talking about it. (By the way men, I’ve found out this helps a wife who cares for her husband more than we realize)
By giving her these weapons, she has full permission to remind me that I’m in violation of using a weapon that is no longer registered to me because I surrendered my rights to use it. I know some men have a real problem with releasing certain things to their wives for the fear of them being used against them somewhere down the line, and the truth of the matter is THEY MIGHT! The thing is we can’t determine someone’s actions, we can only determine our own.
As I said earlier, just as there are some weapons I surrendered to my bride, there are also some weapons that I held to myself and I am the only registered owner of. These weapons include:
The Laser of Love: This is a weapon I try to use each and every day I’m given to live. I don’t wait until special occasions to remind my bride of how much I love her, how thankful I am she said yes to my proposal, how grateful I am that she attends to the affairs of our house, how I love the way she loves me and the list goes on and on. I don’t just give her lip service, but I show her as well by helping around the house, leaving her notes and letters, etc.
The Sword of Security: I try to make her feel secure and remind her that she can trust me to take care of her, that I will always cover her heart, be a strength to her weaknesses, and her biggest supporter. I remind and show her, that I won’t make hasty decisions over our family and that she will always be involved in every decision that has to be made.
The Paring Knife of Prayer: Prayer has been and will always be the foundation of our relationship. It’s the glue that has bonded our hearts in such a beautiful way. It’s not a chore to me or something I do “every now and then.” But it has proven to be the thing that has kept me in my right frame of mind, in stride with God’s leading, and sensitive to my bride. It’s not a crutch for what I should be doing on my own, but it’s the deep and intimate connection where I get to commune with my Savior and the place that I get to share and experience with my bride.
I hope this blog will inspire every person who reads it to release those weapons that have the ability to cause mass destruction in your marriage or relationships and hold fast to the ones that have the ability to enhance and make your relationships better because you choose to use them often. Don’t be afraid when you trust the one you’re signing over the rights of the weapons you used to use, it could be the exchange your spouse has been waiting for.
P.S. Please share your thoughts. We would love to hear what you have to say.
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